Why Didn’t You Throat Punch Him?

angrybuddha

I’ve known for just over two years now that my wasband is gay and we’ve been divorced for over a year and a half so I’ve processed things and am in a good place, but the two questions I still get are 1. How did you not know he was gay? and 2. Why aren’t you angrier at him? I might get back to the first one at some point, but I don’t think it’s really that important. I think the second one should be addressed.

Honestly, in general, I am not a very angry person. At least I can’t stay mad. I get annoyed, I get frustrated and then I forget about it. This is not intentional, my brain just doesn’t hold onto details and when you don’t remember details it’s easy to let things go. Now, don’t get me wrong. I have a nemesis at work that I think is worthless and overpaid and when I have to deal with his incompetence I get spun up. I curse to my assistant about him and complain to my best friend over a martini and then…I let it go. You know why? Because he is not worth it. And as my BFF likes to remind me I am only in control of one person’s behavior.

So, as you might be able to guess, if I’m unable to stay mad at a jerkface at work, it is very unlikely that I’m going to be able to really be angry at a man I’ve loved for over a decade. But that is the question that I get constantly – “Amy, why aren’t you angrier?”.

I think when Chris first told me that he was attracted to men my response was “are you fucking kidding me?”. At the time I was about 2 sips into a margarita and to this day I think he should have let me finish that drink before springing that news on me. So, my initial response was anger, but that quickly turned into hurt and grief. I don’t think after the first 24 hours I had any anger left. If I stayed angry at Chris, where would that get me? What would it change? It would get me nowhere and change nothing. We’d still have gotten divorced and I would have lost a best friend. It wouldn’t have made Chris magically like women.

And you know what? I had a great life for those 8 years we were married. Six of those years we lived overseas in England and Japan. I got to see the world. I like to think that I would have traveled on my own, but probably not as extensively. I got to go on a safari in South Africa, explore Croatia, pop over to Belgium for a 3 day weekend, enjoy the tulips at the Keukenhof, and run races in Scotland, Mongolia, and New Zealand. And even more importantly than all of that, I made the best friends that I will ever have during my time overseas – ladies that I can’t imagine my life without, friends that will be part of my life forever. For that I am thankful and none of that would have happened if I hadn’t been married.

You know what else gets me through and lets me release my anger? Knowing that my best friend wouldn’t hesitate to throat punch him or anyone else who hurt me if it came down to it. And for that, I am truly grateful.

angry

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