The Problem With Squats

duckwalks

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love working out. It’s my passion, something I look forward to. Helping other people discover the awesomeness of fitness is what I want to do with my life. But there are some drawbacks. For example, here are some problems you might encounter if you squat, especially with weight:

1. Guys will forget about all of your other incredible attributes. Got a great sense of humor? Better make the jokes about your assets or he’s not listening. Wicked smart? Better turn the chit chat into the physiology of padunkadunks or you’ve lost him. What can I say? Guys lose focus quickly when you’ve got junk in the trunk.

2. You will never find a pair of pants, especially jeans, that fit. When you find jeans that are generous enough to accommodate your strong thighs, I can guarantee that you will have a gap in the waistband. I don’t think I’ve bought pants in over three years that my seamstress, aka my mom, didn’t have to alter.

3. The sight¬†of your muscular glutes and quads will make guys dumb. No, seriously, they will say things like “if we got stranded somewhere I could eat off your ass for weeks”. Really? Is that supposed to be a turn on? Yeah, not quite the panty dropper they were shooting for.

4. You will have to give up smiling if you want people to believe¬†you. What? You know you can “never trust a big butt and a smile”.

So, the big question is what you gonna do with all that ass? I can tell you what I’m going to do with mine – keep on squatting. The heavier the weight, the better.