What does the blog title mean?

I know, I know. The blog title is weird. What does “It’s Not Supposed to Feel Good” mean? For me, it’s a reminder to push out of my comfort zone, a way to tell myself that sometimes when I want to get things done I’ve got to push myself. I came up with this mantra while running my first (and so far only) ultramarathon in New Zealand. About 42km in to the 60km race I just started feeling crummy. I wasn’t injured, nothing was really wrong. I just had achy knees, the bottoms of my feet were on fire from the difficult terrain, and I was just plain tired from being out there almost 8 hours. And then it hit me – “It’s not supposed to feel good!”. I was supposed to be tired and achy. I was pushing myself further than I ever had before and it was supposed to be hard.

Well, that’s where I’m at in life right now. I’m at a point where I’m going to have to push myself harder than I ever have. My husband of 8 years and I are going to be getting a divorce because he’s gay. That would be hard enough on its own, but he’s also military. So, for the last 8 years I have been following him around and putting my career on hold. We’ve had the luxury of me not needing to work so I volunteered a lot and took jobs that were nowhere close to my career field. We’ve also been lucky to have all of our medical needs covered (even if some of the military docs were slightly sub-par). My life of luxury is now over. Along with wrapping my head around my husband being gay, I need to find a job that can support me, find medical insurance, and figure out where I want to be. I’m applying for jobs in my career field (biology) as well as dream jobs (program coordinator for Girls on the Run). I’ve gotten no responses and I’m getting nervous. I’m also nervous about what decision I’ll make if I am offered both jobs. Would I take the comfortable, full-time science job that is located in my home state? Or would I be brave enough to follow my passion and take a part-time job, with no benefits in a state 1000 miles away from friends and family? Sometimes the big life questions aren’t easy to answer, sometimes it’s not supposed to feel good.

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